It’s been a long time since I have written something not related to my course. The biggest challenge to writing is channeling thoughts and actually finding a topic to write on. There are social issues and there are problems. There are economies failing and cities dying. But that stuff doesn’t need my time. It gets the attention of far better people to throw light on the problems and opinions of people who actually matter. So it’s only procrastination that stops me from doing this. Maybe that’s my problem I think of it as a task and always wonder if someone opens it what they will think of me. What kind of crap do I think and how self obsessed am I? But then if alone, I have to think of me and what my future holds. O lets not go into that. My future is not for me to worry about it’s only my present I can handle. Being me, that’s about as much as I can do. I have the support of wonderful people in the world, friends and family and they also happen to be a bunch of very smart people ensuring that I don’t go astray. I am grateful to them but then there has to be something decent about me to that these good people choose to be with me. Nice!

Only recently I saw a movie called Shakespeare in Love again. I realized I love the idea of so much poetry and love. Even though not a typical sugary romantic I am a big romantic in the true sense of the word. The idea of the big gestures and long winded talk of the sun moon and stars actually fills me up with happiness. Guess I would just be laughing at someone if they say all that to me but yes in the movie it warms my heart. It’s more to do with the love for movies and the golden old era than the love and relationship that attracts me. Even Midnight in Paris, another brilliant movie, was about the man’s wishful thinking of going in the past and living his life in the dream world with those people he had always so admired. People didn’t get the reason why he wanted to go in the past and why would anyone want to do that. Some understood what the movie wanted to show but I guess no one really understood what the movie made me feel. No one felt that way. The feeling of going in a world which is almost perfect then realizing how the little imperfections are also important to make you realize the importance of the perfection. Because he met someone who also wanted to live in a dream world he realized how important it was for him to come back to his real life and time and let go of the fantasy. As good as the fantasy might be you can’t live in that. You have to learn to appreciate the real world and the people in it. I get that feeling too where my world would be more perfect and happy than it is now but then when I get there I realize it has its own drawbacks. So it’s better to just keep the fantasy world as a recluse and use it only when I have to escape from my reality. I can work enough to make reality my happiness and that would mean achieving my destiny.

People denied happiness strive for it the hardest, people who have fail to appreciate it till they lose it. Humans are made that way. They have to be denied something then only they find the true value of it in their hearts. It’s not fair to others. It’s a cruel and bad world out there. So many times have I had that discussion of running away from my world and hiding somewhere till everything is destroyed and man is born again, much more sensible. But as of yet I don’t see the world being destroyed so I am on the plan B, which is to make most of life as we get it. Hopefully the people I know now will be with me forever at least a few and will always be there to counsel and protect me. If I die tomorrow I don’t want just my family around me. I want to know myself that I made a difference to someone’s life. Touched someone enough to actually make them feel the need to shed a tear on my death bed. If I can do that then my life was my accomplishment.

I hope I don’t die tomorrow.

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